Be honest! Does your tyke’s personality match the crust in their diapers? Must they swig rum and bellow sea chanteys in their rocker in order to sleep? Does your little barnacle hobble around on one of these, obsessed with finding and petting the monstrous calico that took their leg?
If you shouted “YASS!” to any of the above, then the day is coming when you’ll walk into their room and find an empty crib. In your toddler’s place will be a tattered sheet of parchment explaining what they’re up to via a series of crude crayon diagrams and cute pictures of sea life. The latter will have hidden meanings.* This parchment will obviously deserve the best spot on your refrigerator door, held by your finest alphabet magnets.